So I've been pretty ok with all the break up shit this week I would say, but right now I can't seem to shake this nagging feeling of disappointment. I guess I'm more so mourning the loss of the security and stability that the relationship offered, rather than mourning the loss of him. I mean, I really miss him as a friend. I miss laughing at him little kid jokes. Hmmm I guess what I loved about him tied in so much to what I didn't like about him. I loved the innocence, and yet I hated the immaturity and lack of desire to work hard for something important.
I guess talking to Renee tonight kinda made me think about this more. She's back with her ex-husband (haha makes me feel old to have a friend with an ex-husband lol) and happy in Hawaii. I guess I was so excited about being happy in a relationship in Florida that I neglected to notice that my boyfriend was unlikely to move out of his parents' house.
But I do miss him. I don't miss the disrespect and lack of consideration for my feelings, but I do miss the daily flutter of butterflies.
So maybe the lack of control is why I've kicked myself into gear with preparing for law school. I got the housing settled, I've packed almost everything away, and I've checked out and read several books regarding the first year in law school.
I guess that's what we studious girls do. We dive right into controlling the only parts of our lives that we can control.
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